Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in jim_r's LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 20 ]

Monday, May 25th, 2009
11:18 pm	New look at an old show Last night, I was flipping through channels, once again truly amazed at the staggering amount of crap available on TV, when I stumbled upon a blast from my childhood past. The Sci-Fi channel was showing a marathon of the original “Land of the Lost” episodes, as a run-up to the Will Farrell movie. This show was on Saturday mornings in the early ‘70s. In case you don’t know, it was a Sid & Marty Krofft show about a park ranger and his 2 kids who are on a “routine expedition,” whatever that means, and fall down a 1,000-ft waterfall in their raft into some kind of time-portal/alternate-universe/it’s-never-really-explained that transports them to a mysterious land where dinosaurs co-exist with primitive humans and alien life forms and lizard-like creatures called Sleestaks. One notable feature of the show was the special effects, which utilized every penny of the annual effects budget of $1.50. Even at the time, I can remember thinking the effects were cheesy. The show was campy and corny and silly and dumb. And I never missed an episode. But as with all things, watching these in adulthood, I have gained a different perspective. I now understand why the creative team spent so little on special effects. They needed that money for their weed. Oh, I have no doubt about it. And they weren’t buying schwag, either. They were getting some high-quality ganj. By the way, this is not the same situation as the creative team behind “Teletubbies,” which follows 4 asexual creatures who worship a Sun that has the face of a laughing baby. They are under the influence of hallucinogenic mushrooms. That’s totally different. No, marijuana was the drug of choice for the people behind “Land of the Lost.” It all makes sense, when you think about it. Picture a bunch of writers and producers, bouncing around ideas for the show, stoned out of their minds. “Hey like, so, OK, we put this family, right, in like a land that time forgot. And like, there are these half-man, half-lizard dudes trying to kill them. And we can call them, uh... Sleestaks! Sleeeeeeeeeeeeestaks. HA HA HA HA HA!!!! That’s it, man!” And the plots reveal the, uh, “deep thought” that went into the episodes. I’ll try to give a synopsis of one, as best I can. Family, along with their friend, the primitive human “Cha-Ka,” explore the “Lost City.” They find a secret room that has a stone table with squares on it. Cha-Ka touches a square. Big red plastic ring appears. Daughter Holly tries on ring, can’t get it off, starts channeling some strange creature. So naturally, they all go back home to their cave. Holly starts experiencing partial paralysis. Father decides solution is to bring partially paralyzed daughter back to the Lost City to bring back ring. In the meantime, some creature that looks like a big red Gumby with no face appears and points at different characters telling them if they have “proven themselves” or not before rendering them unconscious. Then... Oh, you get the point. I was getting a headache trying to understand it. It’s something you just have to “experience”... when you're stoned. But hey, I’m not judging. They made a show that millions of kids enjoyed, including me. And at least they shared the bounty with the adult actors on the show: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EKG0yRa88qE (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, February 15th, 2009
9:24 am	Grammys diary OK, OK, I know the Grammys were last weekend, and I’m just posting this now. What do you want me to say? I was sharing a bong with Michael Phelps. That woman who just had 8 kids said I was the father. I was busy! Anyway, I sat down in front of the TV last Sunday night, excited to watch an awards show that gathered together the very best talents in music. But that didn’t seem to be on any of the channels I have, so I decided to watch the Grammys instead. Here we go! And what a way to start, with U2! Oh man, if all the acts are this cool tonight, I may have to retract my smartass comment at the beginning of this piece. Nah… I know the Grammy’s won’t let me down! Whitney Houston, who I hear gave a great performance at a separate ceremony this morning and is planning a comeback this year, is on to present the award for Best R&B album. She looks good, but there’s something… Hey… she’s drunk! This is what I’m talkin’ about! She listed all the nominees, but before she read the winner, gave a drunken, awkward, rambling shout-out to Clive Davis. Priceless. Jennifer Hudson won, by the way, and gave a very heartfelt speech, thanking “her family in heaven and those who are here today.” If Whitney wants to know how to come back from a fall with grace and dignity, she should watch this. When she sobers up, that is. Bobby’s back in the picture, isn’t he, Whit? And now, please welcome musical legend, Dwayne Johnson, aka “The Rock.” Whaaaat? He’s cracking bad jokes and talking about the performers that will be on later. This is pointless. But as he’s talking, I see Sir Paul McCartney in the audience, and notice his hair is as black as it was when he was in the Beatles. Hmm… And now the Rock is introducing “my boy,” Justin Timberlake, who is going to introduce the Rev. Al Green, who he apparently met at a general store when he was a kid. And now here’s Al Green himself, performing with Boys II Men and Keith Urban. Oh Justin, you’re not going to stay on stage and sing with them are you? Ah crap. I tell ya, Al Green has still got it. And Justin actually was pretty good. I just noticed Al’s hair is jet black, too. I wonder if he and Sir Paul go to the same stylist? Where are the crappy acts? That’s 2 performances now, and both were really good. This is not the Grammys show I remember. Where are the crappy acts? Wait… wait… Simon Baker, star of “The Mentalist,” must have just read my mind, because he is introducing Coldplay! Chris Martin is decked out in a kind of neo-hippie garb, complete with tie-dyed piano, and is playing a very sappy ballad. And now… Jay-Z is on stage with him, rapping to it. I am not kidding. Strange combination. What do you call this kind of thing? Sap rap? I never realized before how much Chris Martin rips off Bono. Next up is Carrie Underwood. The quality of the performing acts is now officially in free-fall. They keep showing the drummer, whose butt is sticking out of his pants. Come to think of it, I guess you could say the same for Carrie, who has really gone for the slut look. Sheryl Crow and LeAnn Rimes are on stage to present the award for Best Performance by a Country Duo or Group. Yes… Hmm? Oh, uh sorry, I don’t have a comment here. I’m just enjoying the scenery...  (Alright, fine! Sugarland won. Like you care.) Duffy and Al Green are on to present the award for Song of the Year. They’re doing this bit where they sing a couple of lines from previous winners “Moon River,” and “Bridge over Troubled Water.” Kind of cool, seemed like they were having fun with it. And the winner is… Coldplay for “Viva La Vida.” So for the record, previous Song of the Year winners include “Moon River,” “Bridge Over Troubled Water” and “Viva La @#$%ing Vida.” Shouldn’t Joe Satriani be the one who gets the award? I get the feeling Coldplay is going to be the Grammy darling tonight. As Lloyd Bridges said in “Airplane,” looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking! Kid Rock is performing a medley of his songs—“Amen,” “All Summer Long” and “Rock N Roll Jesus.” Good stuff. He’s probably a huge a-hole, but I’ve always thought he was a great performer. He also paid tribute to Billy Powell, the recently departed keyboard player for Lynyrd Skynyrd, before kicking into “All Summer Long,” which samples “Sweet Home Alabama.” Nice touch, and great job, Kid. But it still doesn’t count as community service dude, sorry. Stay out of the Waffle House! And now, performing together for the very first time, Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus, with Taylor also playing guitar. One of these girls is an extremely talented singer/songwriter and the other is an overhyped mediocrity. Can you guess which one is the latter? (If this were “Sesame Street,” I would point out that mediocre begins with the letter M! And so does… Montana!) The award for Best Pop Collaboration goes to Robert Plant and Alison Kraus for “Rich Woman.” Well-deserved. Jennifer Hudson is now performing with a full chorus. Man, what a voice. Glad to see she appears to have kept her head on straight in the face of tragedy. Just in case, she should probably stay away from Whitney. A very rough stretch... And now, the Jonas Brothers. I expected them to play, but… STEVIE WONDER is playing with them? What the—? How did they pull this off? What did they do? Why would he voluntarily sing this crap? I am calling the police. Something is VERY WRONG! That crappy song is over, but now they are forcing Stevie to sing “Superstition.” One of them just bent down to Stevie. Wait, he’s saying something. I can his read his lips. “Sing… or… your… family… will die.” I knew it! They kidnapped his family! HANG ON STEVIE, WE’RE GOING TO SAVE THEM! This nightmare will soon be over! God, I can’t believe this... Not even a commercial break to help me recover. Straight to the next award. Blink 82, still recovering from their plane crash, is on to present the award for Best Rock Album. One of them joked, “Isn’t it great to see the Jonas Brothers and Stevie Wonder playing music together again?” Ha ha ha… @#$% YOU! Coldplay is the first nominee announced. I need to brace myself. Here it comes… Yup. They beat out Metallica and Kid Rock for Best Rock Album. Call me old school, but I thought rock albums were supposed to ROCK. I’ve never been so glad to see a commercial in my life. God, what a long, horrific 10 minutes. Craig Ferguson! Make me laugh, buddy! Please! I need the relief. HA! He did! “If you had told me 20 years ago when I was a drummer in a punk rock band that I’d be on the Grammys, I would have said you were crazy. I would have also vomited on your shoes and stabbed you.” Love Craig Ferguson. I'll play along... Katy Perry is performing. Did you know she kissed a girl and she liked it? In case you’ve never heard the song. Or have only heard it 3000 times. Maybe that’s why it seems like this song came out 5 years ago. They just showed the Jonas Brothers in the audience. Don’t see any police coming their way yet. Oh, they’re going to find out what you did, punks. Whine to the Obama girls all you want, their father is not going to help you. After a great performance of “American Boy,” Kanye West and Estelle are presenting the award for Best New Artist. Kanye mentioned some past winners, and I swear he said Bob Newhart. I just Googled it. Bob Newhart DID win Best New Artist, in 1961. The only comedian to win it. Nice to see Kanye showing some respect for the artists that paved the way for him! Hey Kanye, how about inviting the B-man to do some freestyling on your next record? Kanye? Kanye? Hello? And the award goes to… Coldplay. Just kidding, it’s someone named Adele. The woman on the commercial said she’s taking an anti-depressant. I may need to join her if I see the Jonas Brothers playing with Stevie Wonder again. Morgan Freeman is introducing a man he calls “my friend,” Kenny Chesney, who is singing a really nice ballad. Kenny only gets one song, unlike Coldplay and the Jonas Brothers. Sorry Kenny. Maybe if you release some crappy pop albums or kidnap a star’s family members, you can get 2 songs next year. Sean P. Diddy Puff Daddy Combs and Herbie Hancock are on to present the award for Record of the Year. They are joined by Natalie Cole, who looks as if she could have a wardrobe malfunction at any moment. Guess who’s nominated for this? Why bother reading all the nominees? OK, fine, I’ll play along. I was wrong! The award goes to Robert Plant and Alison Kraus for “Please Read the Letter.” Maybe there’s hope after all. Alright, I’ll put down the crack pipe… for now. Where's the love? I guess Herbie Hancock’s appearance is the closest we’re going to get to a jazz performance, or a classical music performance, or a zydeco band or a polka band or anything outside the established norm. I say this every year, would it kill them to give some love to another type of music, besides rock, pop, rap or country? I’m watching an ad for a movie. Critics say it is “filled with dark secrets.” I think it is a documentary about the Jonas Brothers. Queen Latifah mentioned that Dean Martin was a recipient of an honorary Grammy for lifetime achievement. Other presenters have been doing the same throughout the evening. Other recipients were The Blind Boys of Alabama, the Four Tops, Gene Autry, Hank Jones, Brenda Lee and Tom Paxton. I don’t know… seems to me they all deserve a bit more than a casual, offhand mention. But we don’t have time for that y’all, cause it’s time for the Rap Pack! Kanye West, Jay-Z, Lil Wayne and T.I., complete with tuxes. They are joined by a very pregnant M.I.A., who looks like she could deliver that kid any second. Hey, that’d be something! M.I.A: “Baby!” Kanye: “Oh yeah, baby.” Jay-Z: “You tell ‘em, baby.” M.I.A.: “No, BABY!!!!” Kate Beckinsdale is introducing someone who started out in a band with 3 friends from Liverpool… who could it be? It’s Paul McCartney, of course, performing “I Saw Her Standing There” with Foo Fighters. This kicks ass! Dave Grohl is really into it on drums. Play another one! Damn, only one song. Sorry, Paul. I guess that band you were in wasn’t popular enough. Presenter Jack Black tells us to keep our eye on that promising bass player McCartney. Who knows, that guy could just make it in this business! Oh my. John Mayer is in the audience. WITHOUT Jennifer. Oh boy. Uh oh, it gets worse. Mayer won the award for Best Male Pop Vocal. Well, that’s not the bad part. He thanked a bunch of people, but guess who he DIDN’T thank. MM hmm. And he called being able to play music “the best thing in the world.” Oh, REALLY? You are in big trouble, mister. Jay Mohr and LL Cool J introduce the next 2 back-to-back performers, Sugarland, followed immediately by Adele. Trying to save time on introductions, I guess. Since the Grammy organizers apparently like strange combinations of artists, how about putting Jay Mohr on stage with Jay-Z and Jay and the Americans and seeing what happens? Seventh-inning stretch Samuel L. Jackson, a man who oozes cool, introduces rapper T.I. and “my buddy” Justin Timberlake. This is after saying he had some “man love” for one of these guys. Justin? T.I.? Either way, TMI! Sam and his “buddy” Justin, who is also the Rock’s “boy.” Morgan and his friend Kenny Chesney. This is the age of Obama, and it’s beautiful, man. Sniff. Sorry, I’ll try to keep it together… Smokey Robinson, Ne-Yo and Jamie Foxx perform a tribute to the Four Tops with Duke Fakir, the lone surviving original member of the group. Another odd combination, but nice tribute. And now Neil Diamond is on to sing “Sweet Caroline.” This is really weird. Oh, Neil is doing fine, even though this seems like a really random choice. But usually when I hear this song, I’m up out of my seat at Fenway in the seventh inning, singing along and pumping my fist and trying not to to spill my beer. Remembering the musical contributors that have been lost. As you would expect, it was rather sad. We lost some great ones this year, including Bo Diddley, the last person they showed. And then suddenly, without introduction, I can hear a band playing  and there's. . . Keith Urban, John Mayer, B.B. King and Buddy Guy playing the song "Bo Diddley." Four damn good guitar players trading licks. It sounded real good, but deserved a better introduction. Gary Sinise, from "CSI:NY" is on now. Gary, when you're done, process those Jonas Brothers, and collect some evidence! Whoa whoa whoa WHOA! You mean the Blind Boys of Alabama got an award this year for a whole lifetime of achievement, and they are there, but they DON’T get to perform? But Coldplay and the Jonas Brothers get 2 songs each?  Must… control… rage… OK, this helps. Robert Plant and Alison Krauss are performing with T-Bone Burnett. Good stuff, and they get 2 songs, too.  And now Green Day will present the award for Album of the Year. Please, not Coldplay. Please restore my faith, Grammy voters…. "Raising Sand," Robert Plant and Alison Krauss! YES! Maybe there is a reason to believe. Closing it out now with Stevie Wonder. Stevie, I love listening to ya man, but… Shouldn’t you be trying to get your family back? (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, September 5th, 2008
9:41 pm	Sponsorship run amok You know, as a Red Sox fan, I am often asked, as you would expect, "Jim, what IS the official potato chip and cheez doodle of the Boston Red Sox?" This has always resulted in an extremely awkward situation. Previously, I would always respond by looking down dejectedly... and shrugging my shoulders. The questioner would drift away, overcome with disappointment. But that's all in the past now. NOW I have an answer!!! (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, September 4th, 2008
11:47 pm	Thoughts on the Republican convention I am here watching TV, waiting for John McCain to speak at the Republican Convention in St. Paul. The air is thick with excitem— YAWWWWN. Excuse me.  AND for even more perverse pleasure, I'm watching it on Fox. Cindy McCain just spoke, and said her husband would provide a strong hand at the wheel. And, she said, she's found it's good to have a woman's hand on the wheel, too! Big applause. Two hands on the wheel! Because—wait a minute... McCain has hand on the wheel, and so does Sarah Palin—who the @#$% is driving this thing? If you are African American, and you are at the Republican convention, be sure to look your best and don't pick your nose or anything, because you will be on camera several times throughout the evening. You represent the diversity of the Republican Party! All 10 of you. Video introduction of McCain, looking presidential. As you might expect, much about his military career. "A faithful, unyielding love for America..." "Country FIRST." "No one cherishes the American dream more." You hear me? NO ONE! Lots of uplifting, patriotic music and talk of country. I tell ya, I'm about to crap red, white and BLUE, BABY! Patriotic porn, that's what this stuff is. Here he comes! The crowd is going, well kind of wild, I guess. More of a town meeting setup for McCain. Ooh, protestors! They're holding a "You can't win an occupation" sign. Enjoy your beating, boys! Mark it—We have the first 9/11 reference less than 5 minutes in. McCain is thanking his family, and his mom. Now thanking everyone who supported him. "I won't let you down!" he said. You already have, sir. The large video backdrop behind the stage keeps changing scenes. At first, it looked like McCain was speaking in front of a building. Now, he's speaking out in a cornfield, for some strange reason. McCain is talking about how it's tough times for many of "you" and how it's hard to put food on the table, and the crowd is chanting "U-S-A!" Yeah, good timing. U-S-A! Poor peo-ple! Tough e-cono-my! YAY! Republican Convention drinking game. Take a shot every time you hear the following: "Sept. 11," "our troops," "elitist," and "my friends." On Palin, "I can't wait to introduce her to Washington." Then he broke out into a big, creepy smile. Blecch. McCain said he and Palin will bring change to Washington. This is about 10 minutes after he praised Bush for the job he did. So, to summarize up to this point, Bush did a great job! And we need to change that! McCain said "I work for you." Well if that's the case... YOU"RE FIRED! He is now in the middle of a long rant about fighting. He's a fighter. He's talking about what he's fighting, who he's fighting for, where and when he's fighting, which is always. You know why? Because he's a FIGHTER. Don't believe him? He'll kick your ass if he has to, because he's a fighter! AAAAAAHHHHHHH! We are all God's children, he said, and we are all Americans. We believe in the culture of life. And if you don't, he'll kill you, because he's a FIGHTER! WE believe in giving Americans more choices. Unless it's to have an abortion, I guess. "My opponent will raise taxes." BOOOOO! "My opponent will increase spending." BOOOOO!"My opponent will do this." BOOOOO!"My opponent will do that." BOOOOO! He can throw any kind of crap in here, can't he? "My opponent will use aborted fetuses for skeet shooting." BOOOOO! Shot of young girl in the crowd looking bored. I feel your pain, kid. Now he's putting some of the blame on the poor state of education on bad teachers. Yeah, it's all bad teachers. It's got NOTHING to do with the bloated, burdensome, bureaucratic behemoth of No Child Left Behind. "We're going to drill for oil offhsore. Now!" FUCK THE EARTH, MAN!!! (OK, I'm paraphrasing here.) "It's time to show the world again how America leads." Yeah, I think that's what they're afraid of... Did you think Al Qaida is defeated? Yeah, well they're NOT, my friend. And Iran is out there, too! Russia! Lots of dangers and people who want to kill us. McCain can protect us from all that. And if he dies, the former Alaskan beauty queen will! Uh... with the gun she uses to kill polar bears, I guess. "The people of Georgia need our support and our prayers." Finally, some love for Jimmy Carter! Oh, wait... John McCain is PREPARED for the dangerous threats in this world. But hey, you can vote for Obama, if you want. If you want to DIE that is! Senator McCain knows the good and evil in this world. Actually, that's true. The latter currently inhabits the vice president's mansion. McCain hates war. It's terrible. But he will work for a stable peace. Even if he has to FIGHT everybody to do it! We need to change government... from the way Bush did things, I guess, who... did a great job, he said... Do you READ this stuff, sir? Starting to talk about his POW experience. Genuinely moving, I have to say. McCain is now talking about the things he loves about this country, including the decency and goodness of the people (except for Democrats, who are scum of the Earth). American flag on the video screen now. Big patriotic finish coming... I can feel it! Back to the fighting now. He going to FIGHT! "Fight with me! Fight with me!" Fight for this! Fight for that! Fight the power! Standup and fight! Everybody's going to be kung fu fighting!  OK, he's done. God bless America! And remember to fight! I gotta go hit something now. Because I'm a fighter! AHHHHHHHHHH!  (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, March 17th, 2008
2:25 pm	Words fail me... Although a few come to mind: Baffling. Confusing. Disturbing... Mariah Carey poised to tie record for No. 1 singles with Beatles (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, March 8th, 2008
8:32 pm	Digital delays I was getting gas tonight, and I found myself getting annoyed. But it took me awhile to figure out why. There was really nothing unusual about it. It was the last thing I had to do on the way home. I pulled up to the pump. Got out of the car and unscrewed the gas cap. I swiped my credit card. I was ready to pump some gas. Or so I thought. Like always, I heard a "beep!" "Credit or debit?" the automated pump wanted to know. Oh yeah. I pressed "credit." "Beep!" Oh, right. No, I don't want a receipt. "Beep!" Aaaargh. Regular! I want regular! I've gone through this routine hundreds of times. But this time, I was really getting annoyed. And driving home, I figured out why. It's because I had been continuously pestered by these kinds of digital delays for the past couple of days. I wanted to send a picture to my friend. But my new computer didn't have the software my camera uses. So I had to download the software before I could connect my camera. And as always when downloading software, you have to answer a bunch of questions first. "Would you like to do easy install, or manual?" Easy, please. "What folders do you want to keep these in?" The one you suggested is fine. I trust your judgment. "Do you agree to these terms and conditions?" Sure. They're rather long, but I'll go through them when I have a spare hour or two and my lawyer is available. I went to the ATM to get some cash. You get peppered with questions there, too. "What account do you want to take this out of? Well, how much do you want? Do you want a receipt? Are you sure you want to take that much out? Maybe you should save more." I might have made that last one up, I don't remember. And then computers, both at home and at work! Even when you're not downloading software, there are questions you have to answer. "This update requires you to restart your computer. Would you like to restart now?" "Do you want to abort this script?" "Are you sure you want to exit this program?" "What size paper do you want to print on?" "Are you REALLY sure you want to exit this program?" We are all subjected to these mini-interrogations each day. It's like getting hassled by hundreds of little digital Columbos: "Geez, I hate to bother ya, sir, but there's just one more thing I wanted to ask. Did you want a receipt with that? Now my wife, she saves all her receipts, no matter where she goes. But not everybody likes to do that. Do you keep your receipts, sir?" Now I know it's all relative. I know that we're able to do things now in minutes, or even seconds, that used to take hours, sometimes without even leaving home. But if you ask me, we've paid a price for that convenience. Along with these conveniences comes the assumption that we all have more time and the expectation for all of us to do MORE! BETTER! FASTER! NOW! And that requires information, which means we all need to answer these little automated questions every day, sometimes several times a day. And when they add up, they can get pretty damn annoying. All these conveniences are supposed to save us time. So why does it seem that we have even less time? That reminds me, I have to go change my digital clocks ahead an hour. When will this end? (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, March 6th, 2008
12:42 pm	Politics is a strange business I read today that if Barack Obama is the Democratic nominee for president, one possible running mate for him would be retired general Anthony Zinni. Obama-Zinni? Sounds like a menu item at a trendy fusion restaurant. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, December 20th, 2007
1:33 pm	Damn you Slattery! I've been tagged! The theme is seven songs I'm listening to currently. The version of "Folsom Prison Blues" that he mentioned has also been on my playlist! But as he already mentioned it, I'll only include other songs I've been listening to the past couple of days: "Dream House" - John Eddie. I've become a very big fan of this New Jersey rocker that no one has ever heard of. He plays the Iron Horse at least once a year, and his shows are easily the best value for your entertainment dollar. Almost two hours of kickass rock n' roll, sprinkled with a few sweet ballads and great crowd interaction, all for around twenty bucks! This is the first track from his 1986 debut album, which I just got. It's a Springsteen-type rocker about a guy who still drives by "our little dream house," long after the dream is gone. "I'm Shipping Up to Boston" - The Dropkick Murphys. I just finally saw "The Departed," so this song is fresh in my head. I'm a sucker for Celtic punk rock, and these guys are great at it! Makes me want to drink! But I should probably wait until I get out of work... I GUESS. "A Legal Matter" - Richard Thompson. A cover of a fun Pete Townshend song by another guitar legend. I was transferring songs from CD to my new computer, and this one stuck with me. "Brick" - Ben Folds Five. A heartbreaker about a guy who takes his girlfriend to get an abortion, and it's tearing both of them apart. Came up on shuffle play on iTunes, and it always grabs me. This is so well-written, and so well-done, you can feel the agony this guy is going through. "My Favorite Things" - Outkast. A funky jazz meets hip-hop instrumental cover of the "Sound of Music" song. Yes, you read that right! This also came up on shuffle play. One of the reasons I like this group is that they often have real musicians playing real instruments on their songs. Another is that they're not afraid to take chances and combine different types of music. "The Great Pumpkin Waltz" - Chick Corea. A cover of the Vince Guaraldi piano ballad from the "Happy Anniversary, Charlie Brown!" CD I bought several years back. Vince Guaraldi's music helps me make it through the holiday season every year. "Glad To Be Alive" - Cowboy Mouth. A fun, life-affirming song from a great New Orleans party band. This time of year, I find myself actively seeking positive songs. "Nothing ever goes as planned; get your head out of your hands! Scream and shout like you were 5, aren't you glad to be alive!" Damn straight! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, October 8th, 2007
2:57 pm	I guess it was inevitable.. Wu-Tang Clan have become the first group to get permission from the Beatles to sample one of their tracks, they have revealed. The hip-hop collective return with a new album, 8 Diagrams, later this year, the first since the death of Ol' Dirty Bastard in 2004. The record features a collaboration with Dhani Harrison, the son of George, on a reworking of "While My Guitar Gently Weeps." However, a new message posted on Wu-Tang's official website suggests the new version will actually feature an authentic, cleared extract of the Fab Four's original. It reads: "Special thanks to Danny (sic) Harrison & Erykah Badu for helping bring this song to life! Now, for all I know, the Clan's version will be very respectful of the original. But still, is this a door we want to open? Letting hip-hoppers recreate Beatles songs? I shudder at the thought of the likes of 50 Cent, Ludacris and Nelly putting their own spin on Lennon/McCartney classics: Da Fool in Da Hood I Just Seen a Ass I Want You (Da Bitch Heavy) You Gots to Hide Yo Stash Away @#$% Me Do I mean, Paul McCartney performed "Yesterday" with Jay-Z at the Grammys last year. That wasn't awkward enough? (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 20th, 2006
9:57 am	Truth in advertising? I needed something dry-cleaned. Since I was going to be in Greenfield, which is not that far from where I work, I thought I'd drop it off someplace there. So I looked in the phone book and found "Kristin's Laundry & Dry Cleaning." Perfect. After work, I drove into Greenfield. I saw a big sign that read "Kristin's Laundry & Dry Cleaning." I pulled into the parking lot. The attendant was in the doorway, watching the thunderstorm that had just started. I got out of the car, in the pouring rain, said hello to him and told him I had something that needed to be dry-cleaned. He shook his head. "We don't do dry-cleaning here," he said. No. No, of course you don't. Where did I get that idea? (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 15th, 2006
10:24 am	Protecting marriage I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but last week the Senate debated passage of the Marriage Protection Amendment. If ratified, it would set in motion a process to amend the Constitution to protect marriage. It didn't pass, this time, anyway. But the Senate is to be commended all the same. Because for 3 full days, the Senate turned their attention away from other, trivial matters—the war in Iraq, record national debt, other dumb stuff like that—to focus on providing protection for marriage from all the threats it faces. Now, I'm not married. And I'm almost ashamed to say I didn't even know marriage was threatened. You're probably thinking, "hey dude, wake up!" And you'd be so right to say that. But unlike me, the Senate has not been asleep at the wheel. They saw the clear and present danger facing marriage and decided to act. Proud in the knowledge that we have such courageous leaders, I confidently read the text of the proposed amendment. And I was so disappointed. I mean, all it does is define marriage as being between a man and a woman. But... it's the "Marriage PROTECTION Amendment." Shouldn't it spell out what we're protecting marriage from? Well, I think it should. It's pretty much common knowledge that this amendment came in response to the legalization of gay marriage in Massachusetts. The Senate, in their infinite wisdom, saw the threat that gays pose to heterosexual marriages. I have gay friends. I've even been to a gay wedding. Can't say I felt threatened... but that's probably because I'm not married. The married couples that were there must have been terrified. Anyway, the Senate feels gays are a threat to marriage, so let's be perfectly clear! Change that amendment to let everybody know, the United States will protect marriage from gays! But that's not enough. Not nearly. Did you know there are other forces that are equally threatening to marriage? I did some research, and found some other things that are just as threatening to marriage as gays. So I propose changes to the "Marriage Protection Amendment" that states clearly we will protect marriage from: falling ceilings loud music bees spam rabid chimpanzees sunlight telemarketers clowns. That last one is from a friend of mine who is getting married in August. Do you know what legal protection his marriage will have against clowns? None. Yes, you read that correctly—the law does not protect marriages from clowns. So after my friend and his fiancee get married, what happens if, in the next month, or the next year, their marriage comes across a clown? I don't even like to think about it. Oh God, I just thought of something. What if it's a gay clown? Are we going to just let their marriage fend for itself against that double threat? Don't our citizens deserve better? Isn't that why we pay taxes? I mean, it's just— I'm sorry... I get emotional about this issue. Anyway, there are obviously many other threats of this nature that marriage faces. We need to identify them and specifically mention all of them in the amendment wording. Are you listening, senators? I certainly hope so. Because, I mean, if you're not going to take this amendment seriously, let's not do this at all! (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, June 5th, 2006
6:35 pm	A tragic blast from the past I had worked with him 20 years ago, at Stop & Shop. We both started off as baggers. I became a cashier, and he went over to the grocery department. During the summer, after the store closed on Saturday, a bunch of us would party in the parking lot. He was usually there. I remember him one night dancing to Prince's "When Doves Cry," which was blaring from someone's car. We weren't friends. In fact, a few of us used to give him a hard time, because he could get on your nerves. So we'd find ways to irritate him. He had this piece of junk car, a Chevy Nova, I think. It had a really ugly paint job, like somebody had spray-painted it blue. But he loved it, so much so that he installed a hypersensitive alarm system, which probably cost about as much as he paid for the car. Touch the bumper, and that alarm would wail. So, when we knew he was inside working, we'd go out and we'd touch the bumper. Then we'd walk inside, and somebody would nonchalantly ask what that noise outside was. I can remember a look of panic on his face, followed by a loud "Shit, my car!!!" Then he ran as fast he could outside, apparently not noticing the bouts of laughter that sprung up behind him. A few minutes later he came back in, looking very pissed. It wasn't a very nice thing to do, I'll admit. But it was harmless and it balanced out the hard time he would give us sometimes. He was a decent guy when you got down to it though, and he never hurt anybody. After I left Stop & Shop, I ran into him maybe 2 or 3 times over the next few years. Hadn't seen him or even heard his name mentioned since. Until last week. I had seen his name in the paper, but it didn't even register. Most likely because that situation wasn't something I'd associate with anyone I know, or had ever known. But when I showed up at my second job at that same newspaper, there was a followup story, along with a photograph. I had walked over to a pile of photos to find one for another story I was working on, and saw his face among the pile, and saw his name under the photo, and that's when it hit me. His name was Dave. He was murdered last week. Stunned? I don't even think that begins to describe it. It was probably only an extra few moments I stood there and held that photo, and stared at it, but it seemed like a long, long time. Once that initial shock wore off, it was replaced by a flood of questions. Stabbed to death? Why? By who? What was he doing walking on that bike path in Springfield? What had he been doing with his life? It sounded like he had hit some hard times. According to his sister, who was interviewed for the article, he had lived at home until 1997, when his mom died. He had been unable to hold on to the house, she said. So a cousin, who ran a homeless shelter in downtown Springfield, got him an apartment in the building that housed the shelter. He had been living there ever since, and worked as a parking attendant at the Mardi Gras, a popular downtown strip joint. One day last week, he had been walking down the bike path from West Springfield, probably returning from his chiropractor's office, his sister said. He was robbed at knifepoint, according to police. His sister noted that he was not the kind of guy to go looking for trouble, and that fits with my memories of him. Despite this, whoever robbed him (2 arrests were made within days) didn't think it was enough to take his backpack and his Walkman. He was also stabbed and left to die. It's normal to feel bad when hearing this kind of news. But this hit me harder than that. Even though we weren't friends, I felt a deep sense of loss. Why? Maybe because it feels like I've lost a connection to my youth, to a time that seemed so much more innocent? I was still in high school when I started working at Stop & Shop, and have many fond memories of working there. He's part of those. Maybe because it feels like I'm also losing my hometown? Springfield was once a nice place to grow up. But the Springfield I remember as a kid bears very little resemblance to the one that exists today. The city is on the verge of bankruptcy, families that can afford to are leaving, and violent crime is on the rise. Senseless violent crime. I mean, if they wanted to rob the guy, that's one thing. But why kill him? And, since Dave was 45 when he died and I'm about to turn 41, maybe I realize that I'm losing time. None of us know when our clock will run out. I'm sure Dave didn't expect to be stabbed to death by some scumbag while walking home from the chiropractor. Maybe it's because of all those reasons. The photo I saw at the paper was of Dave with his sister. They were both dressed for summer, and Dave had a big grin on his face, about to eat a fork full of something. He looked happy. His sister said he hadn't been satisfied with his life, that he planned on getting his commercial license to become a truck driver and improve his situation. But, she lamented, "it wasn't meant to be." So long, Dave. I hope that wherever you are now, that life is treating you better than this life did. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 25th, 2006
12:45 pm	A primer on American priorities Millions don't have access to health care "Yes, we should do something about that soon." Rising number of children living in poverty "Terrible, that is absolutely terrible." Gas prices on the rise "WHAT?????? THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE!!!!!!! I DEMAND ACTION NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 20th, 2006
2:36 pm	Madeleine Albright can leg-press 400 pounds That's not a joke! If you don't believe me, read The New York Times Magazine this Sunday. She's 68 years old, but still works out 3 times a week, and can leg-press up to 400 pounds, she said. That's pretty damned impressive. I mean, all due respect to Condoleezza Rice, who is a very accomplished woman. But we need more secretaries of state like Madeleine Albright. One who understands the many complex issues that can complicate an international situation, yes. One who is skilled in diplomacy, certainly. But also one who can crush your skull like a grapefruit if you give her any crap! What's that you say, President Ahmadinejad of Iran? Your country is determined to pursue nuclear technology? Well, we don't think you should. How do we settle this? Tell you what—we'll leg-wrestle over it! Winner decides your nuclear policy for the next 25 years! Or are you afraid you can't beat a woman? That'd shut that guy up right quick. Are you listening, Condi? It's like Theodore Roosevelt said about his approach to foreign policy, "speak softly but carry some killer quadriceps." Well... you know what I mean. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 5th, 2006
10:28 am	A wonderfully awful day Tuesday was one of the worst, and one of the best, days I've had in quite some time. I began my day thinking that I was trapped in a job I hate, that my Dad had blew me off on a Mexico trip, that I had inadvertently offended a very good friend and that a girl I know was a friend of mine, one who could possibly be more than that. HAH! I began my day stressed out, with a long list of things to do, most work-related. First up was to edit a cover letter and press release for my friend Cyd, for the second concert he is organizing to benefit musicians affected by Katrina. It was something I had promised to do weeks ago, and was reminded of when my friend Sonia asked me about it. It took quite a bit of time out of my morning, but I was happy to do it. Especially when he sent his thank you reply. That was the highlight of my day, and made me feel good. Great cause, great guy. The rest of the day? Fasten your seatbelts! My job I had several "rush" jobs to do - I should point out that pretty much everything is now designated a "rush," often for no apparent reason. Anyway, I wanted to get all those out of the way so I could begin a larger project I was assigned. This comes after a day of working on totally inane projects the day before, which, yes, were of course "rush" jobs. How to describe how I feel about my job these days? Frazzled, frustrated, angry, depressed, burnt out, used, abused. Every day lately, there's been something else that has left me aggravated/agitated/depressed. Yesterday morning, I was greeted with a revised job description for my job title in my in-box (currently, I am the only employee who holds that job title, so for the time being, it affects only me). This, I found depressing. There, in writing, confirmation that I am expected to do much more work for the same amount of pay. Thank you SO much. Great way to motivate your employees. Other employees I talked to were having a similar experience. Anyway, point is, I was busy, busy, busy until 8 p.m. - yes, 8 p.m. - with work crap. And the whole thought of it made me depressed early on. But in a moment of misery that morning, I turned to Google. I believe I entered "job" and "miserable." And the first listing that was returned was a recent Washington Post article titled "Breaking Up with Your Bad Job." It sounds so obvious - if your job is that bad, leave! But this article explained how leaving a bad job can be as difficult as leaving a bad relationship. And I am admittedly someone who easily gets "stuck." So for me, it was an eye-opener. And for the first time in a while, it made me realize that I do have options. When you are mired in misery, it is easy to feel that you are trapped. But this helped shake me out of it, and realize that I am not trapped. I can leave, and there will be life after this job. And now I have a goal for this summer! My Dad Around lunchtime, my Dad called. I had been mad at him for the past few weeks. He is house-sitting in a gorgeous home in Mexico for his wife's friend. My sister has been down there, and described it as incredibly beautiful and wonderfully relaxing. Last month, my Dad had told me he was going back down there and asked if I'd be able to get the vacation time. I said, sure! Just let me know when you'll be there so I can request the time off and make arrangements. That last part proved to be difficult. He's having difficulties in his marriage right now, and for awhile it looked like his wife might take over part of the house-sitting duties, and he didn't want to be there at that time, and - and I told him, well hey, get back to me and give me some dates when you'll be there, so I can put in for the vacation time. As with everything else, vacation requests had been designated a "rush" at work. Work has been very stressful, so I was really, really looking forward to a some time in Mexico to kick back and relax. He never got back to me. The opportunity to take that particular time off was lost. And I was pissed. At him. That was a couple of weeks ago. He called me in the midst of my crappy (but ultimately wonderful) day. I didn't exactly sound enthused that he called. But as we talked, it became clear there had been a huge misunderstanding (which is not at all unusual in my family, actually). Basically, he had understood my pleas of "give me some actual dates, goddamn it" as "I can't get the time off." A big part of the problem is that he is retired, and can take off for wherever tomorrow if he wants to. Me, as a working stiff, I have to beg, plead, and jump through hoops to get a week off. Difficult to make those 2 situations work together. Anyway, he felt horrible about that, and apologized profusely, pointing out that he really wanted me to be there. And of course I forgave him, he's my Dad. We talked about other times and places to get together. And I gave him my sign-in for the Red Sox Web site so he can listen to radio broadcasts of the games over the Internet down there (just one of the benefits of my being an official member of Red Sox Nation - yes, yes, I know you are impressed). The uncomfortableness of being mad at him just melted away, and we are buds again. A tremendous relief! My friend Last Saturday, I went over to my friend's house. The above situations, as well as the one below, had been burdening me when I went over. I was not in a good place, mentally or emotionally. Long story short, after several drinks, I said some things I was later sorry I had said. And it had been bothering me since. But we had a couple of e-mail conversations and a brief talk on the phone - about other things entirely - and I realized everything is OK with him, that no apologies were necessary. And I thought, if the situation were reversed, it'd be OK with me, too. Then I realized, hey, wait a minute - the situation HAS been reversed in the past! Several times! He has said things. But I always knew where it was really coming from, and that he was only venting. This time, it was me who was doing the venting. But it didn't phase him, just like it had never phased me, and nothing changed between us. That's what friends are for, right? I realized that I have a very good friend. Not my friend As for the girl who I thought was my friend and could possibly be more... I can't go into detail here, but suffice it to say that something happened last night that made it crystal clear to me that she is neither. She was leading me on. Maybe she didn't feel that she was. And that's OK. I would have been fine being friends. But it also became quite obvious to me that she is not my friend, either. You know what? It doesn't matter. The point is, after weeks of doubt and angst, I know the answer. Did I feel bad about it? Oh, hell yeah. But surprisingly, not for long. Because now I know, and can move on. My friend Jeff has a gesture he uses on occasion, to indicate recognizing something bad in life, cutting it off and getting rid of it. He loves to cook, and it's related to that. He'll "chop up" something with both hands coming down like blades, then use his right hand to "sweep away" the bad stuff. Sounds silly, but I did it last night, and it feels great. Jeff and I are taking a trip later this month, and I had asked this girl previously if she wanted to come along. She really wants to go. Well, guess what, honey? That ain't happening! A new day By day's end yesterday, I was exhausted. But also relaxed. A lot of things that had been cluttering my mind all got cleared up in a single day. I can officially put it all in the past. And now it's a new day. I'm tired. It's overcast this morning and it's been snowing. But things are looking very bright to me! (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 7th, 2006
6:09 pm	Oscar's shameful secrets As everyone who cares about such things knows by now, "Crash" was named Best Picture of 2006 at the Academy Awards this past weekend. Normally, by the second day after the awards show, we've all talked it through and have moved on to the next topic. But not this year. Many feel "Brokeback Mountain" should have won best picture, and are even suggesting there was a heterosexual agenda at work. The Los Angeles Times: "So for people who were discomfited by 'Brokeback Mountain' but wanted to be able to look themselves in the mirror and feel like they were good, productive liberals, 'Crash' provided the perfect safe harbor." The LA Weekly: "Way back on Jan. 17, I decided to nominate the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences for Best Bunch of Hypocrites. That's because I felt this year's dirty little Oscar secret was the anecdotal evidence pouring in to me about hetero members of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences being unwilling to screen 'Brokeback Mountain.' " The Boston Globe: "It was the sound of lots of closet doors slamming shut in a huff." Strong words. And who can argue? I mean, it's so blatant. Look at how Hollywood has treated this film. Recognizing it as one of the best 5 films of 2006, giving it awards for best director, best adapted screenplay and best original score, putting it on a national stage during the awards broadcast—it's pretty clear to me they wanted nothing to do with this movie! Homophobes. But what about the other films that lost? Why does no one stick up for them? Don't they deserve equal bitching and complaining time? I guess we only have room for the "outrage du jour." Who will speak out against the shameful injustice displayed against these other fine films? I humbly volunteer. Here then, revealed possibly for the first time, is the truth about Hollywood's other biases. And it ain't pretty. Capote Great reviews. A knockout performance by Philip Seymour Hoffman. But this film didn't garner any talk about being a winner. And so, we learn the ugly truth about Hollywood. The town that worships glamor and demands the constant improvement of a strong, attractive image just can't stomach the idea that a movie about a short, balding, effeminate writer would win its most valued prize. Truman Capote just didn't fit in with the beautiful people, I guess. He was just too unsightly. Oh sorry, Hollywood. I'm sure if Truman had borne a closer resemblance to George Clooney, this movie would have been made a long time ago! Your fantasy land built on silicone makes me sick. Good Night, and Good Luck Hollywood stars can't stop the papparazzi or the tabloids. But they can stop a movie about a journalist from winning best picture! This clearly spiteful move exposes Hollywood as a bunch of bitter, vengeful thugs that would make Tony Soprano blanche. You could almost hear them plotting as they filled out their ballots: "Screw you, journalists. Maybe I'll take a picture of you crying after your movie loses, then sell it. What's so bad about McCarthy, anyway? So Jenny's made some bombs, who hasn't?" So pretty on the outside, Hollywood. But so hideous on the inside. Munich It should be noted that Schindler's List was named Best Picture in 1993. Now here we have another film examining the response to a horrible tragedy inflicted upon the Jewish community. Superb acting, great director. Yet not only wasn't it given a chance of winning, it also had fairly poor box office. So what are you saying, Hollywood, hmm? Tired of the Jews, are we? "We gave you your award a few years ago, now go away." Why not just goosestep down Hollywood Boulevard? I'm amazed you can stand to look at yourself in your jewel-encased mirror, Hollywood. Yes, "Crash" was clearly the safe choice. Hollywood always makes the safe choice when handing out awards. Even for best documentary. I didn't see any gay couples in "March of the Penguins," did you? Homophobes. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, February 9th, 2006
1:28 pm	Grammys diary Last night, I watched the Grammy Awards. Why? Well after a long day at work, I needed something mindless. And I sure wasn't disappointed! But to keep myself from getting bored, I kept a running diary. Here we go: 8:02 Surprisingly, I am actually enjoying the performance by the Gorillaz and Madonna. We're off to a decent start. 8:09 Alicia Keys and Stevie Wonder are engaging in banter. You know the tune to "Isn't She Lovely?" right? Sing it with me! "Isn't it awkward, isn't it cumbersome?" 8:12 Kelly Clarkson is crying and blubbering during her acceptance speech for best female pop vocal. The director cut to a shot of Nicole Kidman in the audience (there with new beau Keith Urban). Nicole has an icy smile frozen on her face. I love it. 8:14 Why is there no host? It makes for a very choppy program. I haven't seen this many awkward silences in a broadcast since the phrase "Long Dong Silver" was first introduced into the Clarence Thomas hearings. 8:16 Alright, I'll say it. Coldplay is WAY overrated. 8:25 But John Legend is really good. Great song. 8:30 This new country band Sugarland's performance is hampered by sound problems, but they're handling it like pros. They're actually pretty good, though a mite too twangy fer mah taystes. 8:39 Unos, dos, tres, catorces! It's U2, baby! 8:41 Hey Grammy producers, can you crank up the smoke machine more? I can still almost make out the band. 8:43 "Vertigo" was great, but here comes Mary J. Blige, sans her trademark shades, to sing "One" with Bono. Outstanding. 8:48 Yes, when you're choosing presenters for the Best Rap Album award, two names come to mind: Ludacris and Matt Dillon. Matt Dillon? What do you think the odds are that the Grammy producers are all white? 8:49 Kanye West has won best Best Rap Album, and Kanye, decked out in an unbuttoned shirt, sunglasses, black gloves and bling, says "I had no idea" as he unfolds a piece of paper marked "Thank you list" on the back. Kanye is so funny, I bet he even cracks Kanye up! 8:56 Ladies and gentlemen, here to introduce Kelly Clarkson, please welcome musical legend, Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger. 8:58 Let me put her performance this way: Kelly Clarkzzzzzzzzon. If we're being forced to accept former "American Idol" contestants as legitimate artists, can't we at least have Simon Cowell on hand to rip apart their performance? 8:59 Kelly Clarkson wins for best pop vocal album. She tells the crowd she won't cry this time. Let's see, she beat out Fiona Apple, Sheryl Crow, Gwen Stefani and Paul McCartney. I think I am going to cry. 9:02 U2 wins for Best Rock Album. Bono has had a few. 9:09 Ellen Degeneres comes out and says "Our next performer needs no introduction." Then she turns around and walks off stage. That's pretty funny! (The performer was Paul McCartney, by the way.) 9:18 The Black Eyed Peas, who for some strange reason have Jennifer Love Hewitt with them, are announcing an award for Island Records founder Chris Blackwell. Long overdue. They announce he's won the Trustees Award. Whatever the hell that is. 9:28 Mariah Carey is performing, but she's not wearing anything particularly revealing. I'm going to get something to eat. 9:31 OK, I'm back. What the hell are those dogs howling at outside? Oh... Mariah's hitting the high notes. 9:33 Here's Michael Bublé and Teri Hatcher, who looks—is she a heroin addict? Just wondering. 9:57 Dave Chappelle introduces the Sly Stone tribute. Still freakin' funny as hell. Miss ya, Dave! 10:00 We're getting a revolving door of musicians singing Sly Stone songs. Here's former Idol front-runner Fantasia. American Idol rule #1: Never sing "Hey, yeah" when you can sing "hey hey hey HEY hey-hey, yeah yeah yeah YEAH yeah-yeah yeah-yeah." 10:02 Now here's Maroon 5. That band annoys me, but tonight they're not bothering me. Maybe it's because they've grown as artists. Maybe it's because I've come to appreciate their musicianship. But most likely it's because I can't take my eyes off of the singer Ciara, who is wearing a tight black dress that's showing a whole lotta leg. 10:05 After a Steven Tyler introduction, here comes the man himself, Sly Stone! With a blond mohawk, a shiny silver coat and a garish belt buckle that says "Sly." Love the look! But he's hunched over and seems unsure of himself. He's behind the keyboard during "I Want To Take You Higher," but doesn't seem to know what to play. This is kind of sad. After mumbling "highuh" a few times, he walks off stage—during the song! He's coming back, right? Nope, guess not. They go through a few more choruses and finish the song. I know this is the Grammys, but all the musicians still on the stage deserve Best Supporting Actor awards for pretending that nothing very strange just happened. 10:16 Paul McCartney joins Jay Z and Linkin Park to perform a version of "Yesterday." This collaboration might have worked on a different song. But this is very, very odd. Paul: "Yesterday..." Jay Z: "Uh-huh, uh-huh." Paul: "All my troubles seemed so far away..." Jay Z: "That's right. Yeah." Somehow this is a tribute to Coretta Scott King. I know this only because her photo is on the screen behind them. Alright, well that was... yeah, OK. 10:27 Bruce Springsteen plays a haunting, solo version of "Devils and Dust." Most powerful moment of the night. Bruuuuuuuuuuuce! 10:30 I thought Destiny's Child had broken up. Yet here's an announcement of their reunion as they take the stage. Oh, they're only reunited to announce the next award. Why do they toy with my emotions this way? 10:33 Has anybody seen Sly Stone? 10:38 L.L. Cool J is announcing that blues great Robert Johnson is being awarded a lifetime achievement award, for his influence on countless musicians and—whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! They are JUST getting around to honoring Robert Johnson? And only with a passing mention? Are you kidding me? Sorry to interrupt, L.L., but I'd like to announce that I've chosen the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences as this year's winner of the Heads Up Their Collective Ass Award. 10:40 Kanye West and Jamie Foxx are performing "Gold Digger," dressed in marching band outfits and backed by marching band dancers. I like the song, but this is weird, man. 10:44 I say this every year, but would it kill them to give 5 minutes for a performance from an act from a completely different musical category that's not mainstream—bluegrass, opera, Celtic, Native American, take your pick? How about spreading the love here? 10:55 Christina Aguilera and Herbie Hancock are performing a version of "A Song For You." I have 2 comments here. 1) I can listen to Herbie Hancock play piano all night. 2) Christina Aguilera frightens me. 11:19 Sheryl Crow and Sting announce that Cream is the recipient of a lifetime achievement award. Hey, Cream just did a few shows not too long ago. Did anybody try to get them to do this broadcast? Or am I going to have hand out another award to the Grammy producers? 11:21 On the next episode of "Without A Trace," the agents investigate the disappearance of a woman from her apartment building. Also, if anybody has seen Sly Stone, please call the Staples Center or the Los Angeles Police Department. 11:28 Time for the New Orleans tribute. Allen Toussaint, Dr. John, Irma Thomas, Elvis Costello, Bonnie Raitt and the Edge all performing Toussaint's "Yes We Can." Oh yeah. And just when you think it can't get any better, here comes Bruce Springsteen and Sam Moore, who leads them all in a version of the late Wilson Pickett's "In The Midnight Hour." This is awesome. All is forgiven, Grammy producers. Unless of course, you do something incredibly stupid, like... 11:29 Like playing commercials over the music, as they're doing now. The song isn't finished, you can hear it in the background, but they're playing commercials over it! Alright, they asked for it. 11:30 I'd like to announce that this year's Assholes of the Year Award goes to... (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, January 30th, 2006
1:15 pm	I'm an idiot Really. But it’s OK. I’m not having a self-esteem crisis, or anything like that. And I do consider myself an intelligent, sane person. But the way I spent my Saturday, you could certainly raise questions about both my intelligence and my sanity. See, Saturday, Red Sox tickets went on sale. Even before they won the World Series, it wasn’t easy getting tickets. And it’s definitely been harder since. On this one day, there were thousands upon thousands of fans desperately vying for a limited number of tickets. Think a roomful of politicians, but only one TV camera. Or a frathouse party, but only one case of beer. You get the picture. I had to go into work for a few hours on Saturday. Got there early and signed on to the Red Sox site. At 10:00 a.m., the exact moment tickets went on sale, I clicked the ticket icon for the game I wanted, and then— And then I was put into a virtual waiting room. I’m not kidding, that’s what they call it. A screen comes up that welcomes you to the virtual waiting room. It refreshes every 30 seconds, and a counter marks how much time is left until that happens. There’s information explaining rules and ticket limits. And there’s an explanation that people will be chosen at random from the waiting room for the opportunity to purchase tickets. But as you “sit” in the virtual waiting room, there isn't much to do. There are no virtual magazines to read. So I started working, often glancing at the screen, hoping I would soon become one of the chosen ones. And for the next several hours, I worked, I watched, I waited, but never got out of that damn room. Tim from Facilities was in, and he was also working while trying to get tickets. He stopped by every so often, and we updated each other on our progress. Not that there was any. We were both having no luck. After 4 and half hours of this frustration, I left. When I got home, I fired up the computer before I even got my coat off. Logged on to the Red Sox site, clicked on the tickets logo, and after only 30 seconds in the waiting room, suddenly I found myself on the order page. YES! Finally! Four tickets, please! Best available. “Enter.” They couldn’t process my request due to high volume, but all I had to do was click “continue” to resubmit. No problem! Several times, I got the same message. Several times I clicked “continue.” S’alright, I thought. I’m getting closer. Very close now. But then I clicked “continue” and nothing happened. And there was a new message on the bottom of the screen. “Javascript error?” Alright... OK. No big deal. Relax. It's going to work out. I’ll just click on the ticket icon again, and it’s... Back in the waiting room. AAAAUUUUUUUGGGH! That’s when it hit me. What the hell am I doing? This is ridiculous! It’s a nice day, and there are much better ways to spend my time. So you know what I did? Yeah... I went back to waiting. Like an idiot. For HOURS. Of course, I didn’t just sit there all day (though I was never far away from the computer). I called my friend Dan to check his progress. Got in a half-hour workout on the exercise bike. Transferred more music from my CDs to my iPod. Called my mom. At one point, I explained my quest for tickets to her. She didn’t seem to grasp the daunting challenge her son had undertaken. As it grew dark outside, I knew that by the time I got through, the only tickets available would probably be standing room only. The irony was not lost on me. Here I was, sitting around all day for the opportunity to stand at the ballpark. But I was absolutely fine with that. Any visit to Fenway is a great experience, but to be honest, I’d rather not sit for the entire game. Unlike a movie or a play, the show isn’t just in front of you. It’s all around you. I love walking around the park, seeing the field from different points of view. Thinking of the legends who have played there. Having a beer at our favorite bar, behind the right field roof seats. Scanning the Green Monster. The Citgo sign off in the distance. Checking scores of other games on the old-fashioned scoreboard. The random smells of hot sausages, and pretzels, and hot dogs. The din of the crowd, the vendors hawking overpriced snacks. The organ music. The crowd singing along to “Sweet Caroline” in the seventh inning. The soothing voice of Agawam native Carl Beane, the Fenway announcer, booming over the loudspeakers. The loud shouts of encouragement from the fans (“Come awn, Big Pawpi, hit it out of the pahk!”). The heckles for the opposing team. The roar of disapproval from the crowd when a call goes against the Sox. Deafening cheers when one of our players gets a hit. Friendly conversations with strangers about the game, the team, the players. Surveying the fans. Fathers and sons. Mothers and sons. And daughters. Grandparents and grandchildren. People of all ages, all races, all backgrounds. The look of wide-eyed awe on young kids attending their first game. All for only $25? Sounds like a bargain to me. But in order to get there, I was at the complete mercy of the online ticketing system. If a message came onscreen that said “If you would like to order tickets, roll on the floor and bark like a dog,” I probably would have done it. In fact, when I did get back to the ordering page a few times, it triggered a Pavlovian response. I immediately stopped what I was doing and ran to the computer. I may have actually salivated, I’m not sure. But some of the games I was checking on were completely sold out. Others had only obstructed view seats for sale, no standing room. Not interested. So I rejected the seats, and it was back to the waiting room. Like an idiot. This does have a happy ending. That night—yes that night, roughly 11 hours later—I was able to get standing-room only tickets for 2 games. The next morning, I got tickets for another game. And my friend Dan was able to get good seats for one game, and standing room for another. So I’ll be going to 5 games for sure. When I factor in other things I could have been doing, in some respects it was a lost Saturday. But in return, I’ll be getting 5 days of fun with good friends in the summer at one of my favorite places in the world. I’ll take that deal anytime. So maybe I’m not such an idiot. OK... I said “maybe.” (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 15th, 2005
9:31 am	It's the little things This past weekend, I received a "grassroots survey" from the Democratic National Committee, asking me my views on certain issues. (NOTE: I am not a Democrat, nor am I a Republican. I've received similar surveys in the past from both parties.) What the heck, I figured. I'm not prepared to make a donation, but I'll fill it out because I want them to know how I stand on certain issues, and—this also played a big role, I'll admit—they included a postage-paid return envelope. So I filled out the survey, except for the last question, which asked how much I wanted to donate today. But after filling it out and folding it in 3, I realized there was a problem. It wasn't going to fit in the small envelope they provided. Not only would the folded survey stick out above the flap—it also wouldn't quite fit lengthwise. Way too much trouble to get another envelope, I thought. And I don't want to spend a stamp on this since they're probably not going to look at it anyway as I'm not sending them any money. So I threw it away. But I couldn't help but think that this is really not helping their reputation as a party that can't be trusted to run things. This is an extremely minor detail, I know. But geez, how much more basic can you get here? Howard Dean was on "Meet the Press" Sunday and said that despite news reports that suggested otherwise, the Democratic party had a great fund-raising year. That's great. And if I were able to return the survey, I would have written my own suggestion on it for Howard. Since you had such a good year raising funds, SPRING FOR THE BIGGER ENVELOPES! YEEEEAAAAAAUUUUGH! (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 20th, 2005
1:02 pm	The razor war So last week, Gillette unveiled their new Fusion razor that features 5 blades. That's right, 5 blades. This comes in response to last year's release of Schick's Quattro razor, which has 4 blades. That came in response to Gillette's Mach 3 razor, which has 3 blades. You could almost read between the lines in Gillette's latest announcement: "What have you got now, Schick? Yeah, we're talking to you. What have you got now? You wanna go 6 blades? Huh? Yeah? BRING IT, BITCHES!!!!!" This has got to stop. Now I'll admit I use a razor that has 2 blades. It works better than a single blade razor, I think. I tried the Mach 3, but didn't notice much difference. But it was the Mach 3 when the war really began. And like love, in war all is fair. And that's when the dirty tactics started. Like thousands of other guys, I got a free Mach 3 razor in the mail. Didn't ask for one, they just sent it. So I tried it. Worked pretty good, so I thought about making it my new razor. But then I saw how much replacement cartidges cost. WHOA, MAMA! That took care of that idea. I was one of the lucky ones—I didn't get hooked. But how many guys did? It seems no different than a drug dealer getting his buyers hooked on a new kind of smack by giving out free samples. Next thing you know, they're hooked on it and come begging to buy some. "Come on man, you're lookin' kind of stubbly. You know how gooooood shaving with this razor is going to make you feel. Dat's right. Ah-ah... no more freebies. You gots to pay cash." And I guess people are buying cash for multiblade razors, if they keep making them. Doesn't look like they're going away. Before long, I'll be able to prattle on to young kids about the "old days," when I walked to school! And the TV only had 4 channels! And men shaved with razors that only had 1 blade! Kids will listen with wide-eyed wonderment. And I'm sure one will mention that his dad shaves with the new Schick X. (5 Comments |Comment on this)